Strange Eggs

Saturday, December 18, 2004

“What does the Dandy Ram do?”

“What does the Dandy Ram do?”
-- Anonymous

The Dandy Ram is often called the king of the hill and this seems to be very true, as he is perfectly adapted to living on very steep slopes, because he has grappling hook guns. Dandy Ram has a thick white to yellowish collar on his jacket that protects him from cold and allows him to live in regions where about nine months of the year are winter, but he chooses not to (live in these regions).
Steep, rocky cliffs found in alpine and sub-alpine areas should be the main habitat of this man, buy he likes Manhattan. This Dandy Ram lives in high elevations, atop skyscrapers and observes the world from the bird's eye-view. These areas are usually covered with snow in the winter, yet this does not prevent the Dandy Ram from wandering freely in most cold climes. His wool collard jacket is not only a good insulator, but also a hiding mechanism that allows him to appear unnoticeable to police and super heroes. By July, the Dandy Ram is completely coatless, and prefers a tank top.

Unlike other criminals that have to bound when traveling in deep snow, the Dandy Ram tends to plough through it. Since balance is very important to him, he has rubber rubber-like pads on his boots. These pads provide for efficient traction that is absolutely indispensable for criminals such as the Dandy Ram.

Life Span: He should live for 65-80 years in the wilds of NY but may die when an over zealous super hero decides to drop him off of a building. In captivity/prison, he could live from 75 to 90 years, but odds are he’d get shanked in intake.
Diet: Vodka, Gray’s Papaya hotdogs and papaya drink. He usually smokes eight cigarettes for breakfast.
Preferred Crime: He’s a jack of all crimes, but master of none.


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