Strange Eggs

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Script for "Better on the Moon"

Here’s a script I wrote for Gus Fink. My friend Steve said I went to far with one scene, and I think he’s correct. But, in honor of the obstinence I’ve obsorbed from being in close proximity of him for so long, I left it in.

Undead Ned & Pumpkin Billy: Better on the Moon

By Chris Reilly


Page 1, panel 1
UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY sit on a large tombstone, in a graveyard full of ghosts and the walking dead.
Undead Ned is a Clive Barker, Cenobite looking dude. He’s clad in leather, and straps. He has a face that looks as though it is decomposing, and an invisible hand pulls it from behind, making his skin stretch away from his mouth an ocular cavities.
Pumpkin Billy is just a short, dumpy little guy, with a Jack O’Lantern for a head.
Igor strolls happily by.

Caption: On a night not unlike any other, Undead Ned was hanging out with his friend, Pumpkin Billy.

Caption: Igor was out for a stroll.

Pumpkin Billy: Hey, Undead Ned?

Undead Ned: Hey, Pumpkin Billy.

Page 1, panel 2
Undead Ned is looking at a couple of zombies attacking, and biting Igor. Igor is startled and terrified.

Caption: Oh, no; not Igor!

PUMPKIN BILLY: What’cha thinking about.

UNDEAD NED: I was thinking about how life would be better on the moon. Think about it…

Page 1, panel 3
Cut to UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY on the moon, jumping up and down, really high. They are ecstatic.

Caption: We could jump, high as an Allen Sheppard golf ball.

Page 1, panel 4
UNDEAD NED lands softly on the ground, as PUMPKIN BILLY (still in the air) gets the top of his head chopped off by the Sputnik satellite:

Sputnik: Смерть к тыкве!



UNDEAD NED: I love the moon!

Page 1, panel 5
UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY are throwing rocks at giant moon monsters UNDEAD NED is having a blast; PUMPKIN BILLY is a bit concerned. The rocks bounce off the moon rock monsters like rubber balls off a brick wall. The moon monsters are made of rock. They are two dimensional looking creatures. They look as if they were carved like ginger bread cookie men, out of a twelve foot high, three foot thick slab of granite. They look like waling pork chops with stubby legs, and massive arms. Moon monsters are always angry. One holds a bolder over his head, the other tosses one at our guys.

Caption: We could have a moon rock fight, with moon rock monsters.

PUMPKIN BILLY: Maybe picking a rock fight with giant rock monsters was a bad idea.
UNDEAD NED: Wrong. It was a great idea! Throw more rocks!

Page 6, panel 6
Moon Rock Monster drops a boulder on PUMPKIN BILLY. UNDEAD NED points at monster, and taunts him with strange bravado.


UNDEAD NED: Is that the best you got?! There’s a slim to none chance that he’s still alive, tough-guy-with-a-boulder!


Page 2, panel 1
Cut back to the haunted graveyard. UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY are still sitting on the tombstone. UNDEAD NED is still watching the zombies feast on Igor, now, technically a corpse. There’s not much left but scattered bits of skin, muscle, bone and gristle. PUMPKIN BILLY is oblivious to this.

PUMPKIN BILLY: I guess the moon’d be okay-kinda-sort-of.

UNDEAD NED: “Okay-kinda-sort-of”?! What about the Moon Maidens? On the moon the Moon, Maidens outnumber men three to one.

Page 2, panel 2
On the moon; UNDEAD NED snuggles with a hot moon girl, as he points, laughing at PUMPKIN BILLY. PUMPKIN BILLY has a fat, ugly, moon woman taking a bloody bite out of his shoulder.

UNDEAD NED: Ha-ha! You’re Moon Maiden’s a fat cannibal.



Page 2, panel 3
Cut back to the haunted graveyard. UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY are still sitting on the tombstone. UNDEAD NED is still watching the zombies feed on the corpse of Igor. There is nothing left but bloody bones, which the zombies rip from the skeleton, to suck out the marrow. PUMPKIN BILLY is, characteristically oblivious to this.

PUMPKIN BILLY: What would we do for moon money?

UNDEAD NED: We could get jobs as moon janitors, or run for moon office.

Page 2, panel 4
Cut to a bunch of moon men (about 7) cheering for UNDEAD NED, who stands behind a podium. There is a banner behind him that reads “Undead Ned, Elected Supreme Dictator of the Moon” Moon Men all look like Hooper from Strange Eggs.
PUMPKIN BILLY, stands beside him, wearing overalls, holding a dripping, wet mop. PUMPKIN BILLY looks at UNDEAD NED, and is shouting angrily.

UNDEAD NED: As my first act as Supreme Dictator of the moon; I’d like to appoint Pumpkin Billy, my personal bathroom attendant.


Page 2, panel 5
Same as previous, except PUMPKIN BILLY’s head has fallen in shame, as Undead Ned, points at him, angrily.

UNDEAD NED: As my second act as Supreme Dictator of the moon, I demote Pumpkin Billy to the moon’s first, living open mouth toilet.

Page 2, panel 6
Cut to Undead Ned pissing in PUMPKIN BILLY’s mouth, while two Moon Men hold him down, in a really gross bathroom. PUMPKIN BILLY is crying. There is piss spilling out of his mouth and trickling from his nose.

Undead Ned: Ha!

Pumkinhead Ned: glorple…PAGE THREE

Page 3, panel 1
UNDEAD NED is still looking at the zombies, devouring the corpse of Igor. There’s not much left but the ribcage and skull.
PUMPKIN BILLY has a solemn, earnest look about him as he looks at UNDEAD NED.

UNDEAD NED: Any job’d be better than the one’s we have.

Page 3, panel 2
We now switch perspectives. We are behind UNDEAD NED and PUMPKIN BILLY. UNDEAD NED watches the zombies walk away, tossing the marrow drained bones. They’ve left nothing but a skull. PUMPKIN BILLY is still looking at UNDEAD NED, with the same expression.

PUMPKIN BILLY: We don’t have jobs, Undead Ned.

Page 3, panel 3
Close up of UNDEAD NED (talking head shot) we know that he’s looking at the skull, but we don’t need to show it.

Page 3, panel 4
Close up of skull. It’s a sad sight. It’s all that’s left of what once was a human being; what was once Igor.

Page 3, panel 5
This is a lot like panel one, minus the walking dead and ghosts, to give it a sense of loneliness. The sun is starting to rise. UNDEAD NED looks ponderous. PUMPKIN BILLY is just now looking at the skull.

UNDEAD NED: Pumpkin Billy.

PUMPKIN BILLY: Yeah, Undead Ned?

Page 3, panel 6
Same as previous panel, except UNDEAD NED has bowed his head in sadness. PUMPKIN BILLY is pointing at the skull, and happily shouting.

UNDEAD NED: It sucks to be me.

PUMPKIN BILLY: Free skull!

Caption: Could this be the end of Igor?


Post a Comment

<< Home