Strange Eggs

Monday, December 27, 2004

Ever wonder what your Wu-Tang name is (Wu-Name)? Go to:
Mine’s “Quiet Overlord.”
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According to Shmoo legend, the lovable creature laid eggs, gave milk and died of sheer esctasy when looked at with hunger. The Shmoo loved to be eaten and tasted like any food desired. Anything that delighted people delighted a Shmoo. Fry a Shmoo and it came out chicken. Broil it and it came out steak. Shmoo eyes made terrific suspender buttons. The hide of the Shmoo if cut thin made fine leather and if cut thick made the best lumber. Shmoo whiskers made splendid toothpicks. The Shmoo satisfied all the world's wants. You could never run out of Shmoon (plural of Shmoo) because they multiplied at such an incredible rate. The Shmoo believed that the only way to happiness was to bring happiness to others. Li'l Abner discovered Shmoos when he ventured into the forbidden Valley of the Shmoon, against the frantic protestations of Ol' Man Mose. "Shmoos," he warned, "is the greatest menace to hoomanity th' world has evah known." "Thass becuz they is so bad, huh?" asked Li'l Abner. "No, stupid," answered Mose, hurling one of life's profoundest paradoxes at Li'l Abner. "It's because they're so good!"
So, why the hell does this Shmoo have a skeleton?!
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Sunday, December 26, 2004

Unless the gorilla is named Boom Boom Brannigan, we pretty much know how this one ends… Urko the gorilla “almost” succeeds.
Take that, Urko.
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Friday, December 24, 2004

The timelessness of douche baggery Posted by Hello

The Ameriman says: Posted by Hello

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


This is my all time favorite anti-hero creation; THE STOMP! His only power was that he could stomp anything. He wasn’t indestructible though. If you shot him, and he wasn’t quick enough to “stomp” the bullet, he’d die like Bambi’s mom. The best way to kill him would be with poison, because you can’t really stomp poison.
The Stomp!
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Saturday, December 18, 2004

2004 Ignatz nominated (outstanding debut) HECTOR MORTEM’S CASTLE FREAK, page 1
Here are the first three pages in color. I wrote this three pager and Jorge Santillan drew it.
Jorge is currently drawing the German version of Duel Masters. Check out his site: Posted by Hello

2004 Ignatz nominated (outstanding debut) HECTOR MORTEM’S CASTLE FREAK page 2 Posted by Hello

2004 Ignatz nominated (outstanding debut) HECTOR MORTEM’S CASTLE FREAK page 3 Posted by Hello

“What does the Dandy Ram do?”

“What does the Dandy Ram do?”
-- Anonymous

The Dandy Ram is often called the king of the hill and this seems to be very true, as he is perfectly adapted to living on very steep slopes, because he has grappling hook guns. Dandy Ram has a thick white to yellowish collar on his jacket that protects him from cold and allows him to live in regions where about nine months of the year are winter, but he chooses not to (live in these regions).
Steep, rocky cliffs found in alpine and sub-alpine areas should be the main habitat of this man, buy he likes Manhattan. This Dandy Ram lives in high elevations, atop skyscrapers and observes the world from the bird's eye-view. These areas are usually covered with snow in the winter, yet this does not prevent the Dandy Ram from wandering freely in most cold climes. His wool collard jacket is not only a good insulator, but also a hiding mechanism that allows him to appear unnoticeable to police and super heroes. By July, the Dandy Ram is completely coatless, and prefers a tank top.

Unlike other criminals that have to bound when traveling in deep snow, the Dandy Ram tends to plough through it. Since balance is very important to him, he has rubber rubber-like pads on his boots. These pads provide for efficient traction that is absolutely indispensable for criminals such as the Dandy Ram.

Life Span: He should live for 65-80 years in the wilds of NY but may die when an over zealous super hero decides to drop him off of a building. In captivity/prison, he could live from 75 to 90 years, but odds are he’d get shanked in intake.
Diet: Vodka, Gray’s Papaya hotdogs and papaya drink. He usually smokes eight cigarettes for breakfast.
Preferred Crime: He’s a jack of all crimes, but master of none.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Ever reach that point in life when you get sick of pitching good ideas to Jim Valentino? I sure did. So I figured I’d pitch the worst super hero concept ever; RED EYE, With Fire Fists.
Red Eye’s power was his curse (that’s the hook). One day his hand’s caught fire, and nothing known to science, god or man (pick a pecking order) could extinguish them. Red Eye wears that thick scarf over his mouth, because he is always screaming in pain. Red Eye can’t sleep, because he’s in too much pain, and even if he could sleep, he’d burn the bed.
Red Eye channels his agony by fighting crime; with fire. He pretty much just walks up to crooks and lights them on fire. “They all knew his fiery touch, but never heard his screams”… because he used that huge scarf to muffle them Posted by Hello

And then there was the Dandy Ram.
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Thursday, December 16, 2004

My writing parter, Steve, on STRANGE EGGS

A couple of years ago my writing partner Chris Reilly and I had four really good ideas in various stages of development at several animation studios, including Disney. The projects were Little Oz Squad, Hector Mortem's Castle Freak, Girl-World and Strange Eggs. Of the four, Strange Eggs went the furthest, with there actually being a pilot commissioned and as far as I've heard, completed for the Christian Learning Network or some such.
When we structure any kind of a deal, we always try to keep all the comic book rights to anything we develope. Usually the studio or agency is willing to give up the comic rights because there's no money in comics, and we love comics, and basically write them for free anyway.
What happened with Strange Eggs though is that we were offered the use of the CLN corporate offices in order to coordinate our efforts on the first issue. Our plan was to find as many independent comic creators as we could to do whatever wacky, zany ideas based on the concept that came out off there heads.
When the powers that be saw the pilot and the comic pages that came in, they closed down the entire project. They kept all the comic pages and destroyed the pilot (though I here there may be some copies floating around out there, I've never seen it.) After six months of letters from my extraordinary kung fu lawyer Kaz, they finally admitted to having destroyed all the files they had on our project, but they did have a listing of all the people who sent stories in. This allowed us to contact the original contributors and get them to send us copies of the stuff they did.
The end result is the comic Strange Eggs, coming out sometime in the summer of 2005 from Slave Labor Graphics.
Weirdly enough, shortly after Slave Labor made their announcement a former animator out of Georgia named Willis Johnson put up which covers most of the history of our project, and even for a short time had our pilot up (in shitty realplayer format), but CLN told him to pull it down. We've contacted him and we'll be sending him some art from the project soon and hopefully give him some pointers on grammar and web design. Years ago I was approached by a fan of my comic Oz Squad at an Indy comic-con in Vermont named Willis who lambasted me for my portrayal of Glinda and my non-inclusion of the Glass Cat. I don't know if it's the same guy.

Strange Egg of the day: TV EGG: You just have to wonder what sort of god would do that; who wants to sit around and watch the twentyfour hour EGG Chanel. Everyone hates TV Egg.
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This was for a Sep. 11th benefit book, written Sep 12, 2001, completed Sep 16, but was deemed… well, you’ll see.
For the first time ever, I give you Reilly & Laessig’s: Xenfolie a Deux.
Looking back, I think we were overly kind to Bush and has gang of thugs.
Page 1 Posted by Hello

Reilly & Laessig’s: Xenfolie a Deux, page 2
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Reilly & Laessig’s: Xenfolie a Deux, page 3
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Reilly & Laessig’s: Xenfolie a Deux, Page 4
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This is/was The Trouble With Igor’s second false start. It’s on course with Gus Fink, who’s up to page sixteen.
Let’s call this “How different artists interpret a script.” Posted by Hello

TTWI Page 1, Tom Posted by Hello

TTWI Page 2, Gus Posted by Hello

TTWI Page 2, Tom Posted by Hello

TTWI Page 3, Gus Posted by Hello

TTWI Page 3, Tom Posted by Hello

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

One of the many histories of the Boxing Bucket:
Known Occupations: poet, professor, noisician, forger, sailor, pimp, lumberjack, thief, boxer
During his time in Paris, Boxing Bucket would take control of his life by changing his identity weekly. Not only his name, but also his whole appearance and personality would be completely different each and every single week. Each new personality would never have any memory of any of the former identities. No one could deal with such a polywave of mannerism. Boxing Bucket however, thrived.
Boxing Bucket's messy brilliance, as cultural provocateur, is represented by his pledge to publicly commit suicide. The auditorium filled with curious Parisians. Boxing Bucket appeared, but he accused them of simple voyeurism, and then delivered an exceptionally detailed three hour lecture on entropy!
His guerrilla art magazine "Slop-Bucket!" was a prototype for the modern zine produced since the 1970's.
Boxing Bucket filled his poems and critical writings with longing references to freedom and new frontiers alongside hallucinatory prose fragments and seemingly arbitrary yet bilious personal assaults on his fellow artists.
Boxing Bucket traveled widely after the outbreak of the First World War. In New York City he fell in love with the America’s sweetheart Mary Pickford. They traveled together to Argentina, where Boxing Bucket disappeared in 1918. Boxing Bucket had been spotted in both Paris and New York in the 1930s & '40s; but to this day, nobody knows what really happened to him.

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Strange Egg of the day: PANT EGG: Egg that wears denim blue jeans. It is believed that this egg is also capable of donning Dockers kakis, but it doesn't!
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Monday, December 13, 2004

Courtroom Sketch by Richard Rockwell.
The People vs. Mario Van Peebles. Where the state alleged that Van Peeples was in fact
C. Thomas Howell ‘s…. Mark Watson
Character from SOUL MAN, grown up.
SOUL MAN was described by Prosecutors as:
Regrettable exercise in trying to resolve racial issues through

humor, resulting in compounding the problem. A white youth,

unable to get into college because of minority preference rules,

poses as a black student (!) and receives a scholarship which, it

turns out, would have otherwise gone to the black girl student at

the very same university whom he just happens to fall in love with.

What a bunch of coincidences! What a conundrum! What a

disastrous concept! The unlikelihood of the imposture succeeding

is only the chief blunder; fear not, there are many others to

discover. Amazingly, a competent cast signed up for this idiotic

movie, including C. Thomas Howell, who specializes in looking

good in bad movies, and, more surprisingly, James Earl Jones,

who plays a black college law professor who can't tell that C.

Thomas is wearing blackface. And you wonder why students don't

learn anything in college.
It is still unknown why the trial was held in a boxing ring, or why the Boxing Bucket was a key witness in this case.

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